Warning! One of my closest friends disagrees with me about this one. LOL!
So, both of us are what you might consider a part of the “new feminist movement.” I say “new” because it includes black women and creates a space for black women to be soft. Sometimes when people hear the word “feminist” they think that it’s all about hating men but this is not the case.
Anyway, we were having a great conversation over dinner when one of my younger girlfriends asked me if I would consider getting married again. I explained to her that at this point in my life I’m really dedicated to growing my career and enjoying the freedom of not having to compromise all the time or try to have dinner with someone every night.
This is where my other friend really disagrees with me. She doesn’t think that marriage should have any structure but I believe that when you’re married, like anything else, you should try to have a plan.
When I was married, one of the things I tried to do was cook dinner for my ex-husband every night. This created a level of consistency and bonding which I believe is good for any marriage or relationship in general. Meanwhile, my friend lives by a strict rule of only cooking dinner for her husband once a week. LOL!
As much as I’m a feminist, I still enjoyed cooking for my husband every night when I was married. With my new bae, I enjoy giving him massages and really catering to him when we’re together. I don’t think this makes me weak or any less of a Boss Babe. I enjoy showing my nurturing side. I don’t think women are any “less than” if they decide to cook, or clean, or choose to breast-feed their babies. As long as it’s coming from a place of love and something that they want to do and not from a place of being forced or obligated. I’m big on supporting my partner mentally and physically. I want him to always feel like he’s a king. I believe that this makes him a better person, which is good for the relationship.
How I support my partner:
1. Once a week, I mix a combination of coconut oil, shea butter, and olive oil and give him a head to toe massage. This can take a while because he’s over 6 feet tall. That’s the only downfall, LOL!
2. I also thank him daily for the loving nurturing vibes that he gives me. It really allows me to be more creative.
3. I have also learned the power of listening. I love hearing him talk about his ideas as an entrepreneur and I try to offer any help that I can.
Ladies, stop putting yourself in a box! You can work, make your own money and still cook your man a meal if you want to. It’s all about being able to choose for yourself and not feeling like you’re being forced or that you’re just trying to meet his expectations.